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I’m a Slob

From the Album Just a Few Seconds

There’s egg on the fridge and milk on the floor
The doorbell’s broke, there’s no handle on the door
The Wi-Fi don’t fly, the TV’s on its knees
I’ve pushed and I’ve poked but the plug’s still broke
It’s the third day running that the water’s gone cold
Is the world growing smaller or am I getting old?

I’m a slob, that’s my job
If you don’t like it, you can kiss my knob
It’s a tough job but it’s got to be done
When it comes to doing nothing, I’m number one

The cheese turned blue and pancakes pink
The milk is far too lumpy to drink
The springs have sprung on my three-poster bed
There’s next door’s music playing in my head
The cockroaches left in great disgust
They said they couldn’t breathe through all the dust

There’s crumbs in my bum from the bread in the bed
I can’t see the time through the sleep in my head
There’s clothes on the chair and clothes on the floor
My socks are dirty, so I’ll have to buy more
The rent man’s trying to get blood from a stone
If you see him outside, tell him I ain’t at home


Slobs get a lot of bad press. To tell someone they are a slob, is to imply they should change their way of life and live more responsibly. That’s all very well, but there are plenty of people who enjoy the life of a slob and who are we to judge them? One of the happiest men I ever knew was a self-confessed slob
although I lost touch with him, so don’t know how life turned out for him.