Nemo James

I Met Her on the M25

I was driving down the freeway
The one you call M25
When all of a sudden everything stopped
Just around junction five
Nothing moved for over an hour
We were just lined up there in rows
What is it about a stationary car
That makes you want to pick your nose?

Half a day had quickly passed
Before we finally made a move
I tuned myself to the radio
I was getting in the groove
But just as I passed by junction six
I couldn’t believe my eyes
A million cars came to halt
Man I was cursing that M25

Five hours passed and we hadn’t moved
So I thought I’d get out and take a stroll
When my ears were drawn like magnets
To the sounds of some rock and roll
And there she sat in this fancy car
I thought I’d take a chance I said
“Hey honey, don’t just sit there
Get out that car, let’s dance!”

We started to dance, and it wasn’t long
‘Fore we’re surrounded by a crowd
I was rocking and rolling with this beautiful chick
It was like dancing on a cloud
Some folks passed some beers around
And some folks smoked some grass
It’s just as well those cars couldn’t move
Cause I couldn’t have moved my ass

I know you won’t believe me
But I’m telling you it’s true
Me and this chick had fallen in love
Now what was we to do
Cause rumours were going around
That we’d be there for at least another day
So what the hell, we passed the time
By rolling in some hay

Well I’m telling you no word of a lie
This chick was something else
I thought I’d hit the jackpot
Cause she sure rang all my bells
I said in these last few hours with you
I ain’t never felt so alive
Let’s you and I get married
And she accepted on the M25

We walked along this line of cars
Looking for a priest
When lord above we found one
Who was drunk, to say the least
I said, listen here my man of God
Marry us here and now
He then pronounced us man and wife
As we took those sacred vows

I know it all sounds crazy
But that’s the kind of guy I am
You can either take life by the balls
Or you can piss it down the pan
I told her my life had been kinda tough
But I was sure things would improve
And I was right cause the road was clearing
We were finally on the move

We arranged to meet at junction twelve
Where she’d take me to meet her mom
And we’d tell her about the M25
Where our life together had begun
I put my foot down and my head back
I was happy to be cruising again
But then I screamed out every cuss I knew
When we stopped at junction ten

Well I sat there in a line of cars
As far as you could see
When I got out to see if I could find my wife
So at least I’d have some company
It wasn’t long before I found her
By the side of a big sedan
There was my wife of only half a day
In the arms of another man

She looked up at me with her innocent face
And said with a tear in her eye
I’m sorry babe it was fun while it lasted
But I’m afraid this is goodbye
I met this guy an hour ago
And I love him more than life
And as soon as our divorce comes through
I’m going to be his wife

Boy meets girl, boy loses girl
It often comes to pass
Maybe it wasn’t the longest romance
But hell, it was a blast
So the next time you’re on the M25
Cursing that traffic jam
Get out the car and have some fun
Show the world you don’t give a damn

THE STORY BEHIND THE SONG

The M25 is London’s ring road which opened in 1986 at the cost of nearly one billion pounds, and that was in the days when a billion pounds was a lot of money. They hopelessly underestimated the amount of traffic that would use it, which resulted in years of disruption while they added lanes.

Despite the improvements, anyone who travels on the M25 regularly will know that it only takes the slightest hiccup to grind it to a halt. If you think this song is farfetched, remember Murphy’s law, “If something can happen, it will happen.”